Saturday, January 26, 2013

1/26/13 Praising the Hallway




1/26/13  Praising the Hallway

Well I haven't been keeping my promise of writing in here like I wanted to but I have been so busy living that I just don't have the time to write about it! And personally I consider that a good thing, at least for me now in this time and this place. I knew that 2013 was going to be a big year and so far its proven to be so. My meetups are growing, my healing ministry moving along at leaps and bounds, I am feeling happy and inspired and nothing gets me down much anymore because I have learned to TRUST my god and the universe to take care of me to bring me the things that I need when I need. It's great!

Over the holidays I grew my Singles Group very large because that is what my gut told me to do and now I do not have to work on inviting people they just come. I also got control of another group when the organizer quit that I helped out in a lot in the past and re-named it NJ Friendship Factory. I am so excited for this one too because I also wanted something for those who are not looking, and I know that someday soon I won't be looking myself I feel it more and more that it is coming....

On that topic I must tell you that I am still a little afraid I know this because when my friend offered to write me a "spell" to bring me a man and come over and help me set it up I just kept feeling like "this is it", this is going work and well it's scary. I been single now for 15 years, close to twice as long as I was married! A few boyfriends here and there but no new husband. But you know one morning I woke up and the way the pillows and comforter on the other side of the bed looked it looked like someone was there sleeping, and it seemed like someone was asking me how I felt about that. This happened 3 times as I drifted in and out of sleep and you know I said yes yes I like this! So she came over on a Tuesday and we laid the ground work for the spell that I was to complete on Saturday night with the full moon.  I was also knew I had done the right thing when I had given up seeing Randy for fun and gave myself a time of total alone-ness. The first sign was an article I came across that confirmed it,  I posted it on CC called My Tender Holy Celibacy and I realized that at last I had learned that lesson, to honor myself and to love myself and to wait for the right one. The other reason is that Elane, his current girlfriend showed up at one of my events!

Yep you heard it, my dreaded confrontation with the pretend wife came, not when I was with him but after I had washed my hands of him. I had posted a board games event here in town and as I do from time to time I put it also on Craigslist. As a last minute impulse my voice told me to also post my YouTube videos of board games we had in the past to entice the folks to come. These are wonderful bonding and mingling events if I can just get them to leave the happy hours and come try this...... But I digress... So here I am sitting there having a blast and in walks Elane, I recognized her right away as I had seen a pic of her with her son on facebook.I didn't know what else to do other than to greet her and treat her like anyone else so that's just what I did. I asked her name and when she told me I knew for sure, so she asked my name and then let me know she knew who I was and quickly added that she didn't come to make trouble. Well everyone was nice to her but she didn't stay too long and I got up to walk her out and she just started talking to me, we talked for 2 hrs I think. I gave her some advice on how to deal with Randy. She suspected he could possibly be cheating on her with a new woman, so one of my guy friends also talked to her and explained men to her and we gave her a big pep talk and sent her on her way! I told her she has to have sex with him if she wants himt to stay faithful so she said she would once a month. For good measure I also gave her a spirit stone and blessed it with good Reiki energy for a good relationship.

The following day I sent him an e-mail basically telling him that she came, that she had asked about us and our Vermont trips and I told her the truth and that he knows I do not lie. I told him that she told me he asked her to marry him and that its time he did so and I gave him encouragement. She wrote me on Facebook and told me she went home and gave into him and did pokey with him and then after told him about meeting me. The next day she announced their engagement! There's a part of me that thinks there's a lot of lies and deception going on here, there's a part of me that wants to believe its real too because I want him to be settled and happy just like I have countless other ex boyfriends. I confess there is also a sadness because I did have a tiny shred of hope still there that he'd finally do better and be better and come back to me and marry me. But I know that isn't going to happen and I know that I am better off without him too. I had a night of mourning and I even cried for what I lost but at the end of that crying I also recalled the times I had my chance with him and said no, the nights he offered to stay over even though she'd find out, the time he had the phone in his hand and said he'd tell her we were getting married..no he hadn't said no to me I had said no to him over and over because I couldn't settle for what he was offering to me, I wanted more. And I will get it too!

Today is Saturday, the day of the very powerful full moon. My friend and I had plans that she cancelled at the last minute and I am secretly glad because now I can go with the other friend to a full moon ceremony. And when I come home I can light my candles and say my prayers and do my spell work to bring me my new man the one who truly will be my best friend and lover and share my life joyfully. And I can be happy in the meantime and like the photo my cousins wife shared on facebook I can be happy while I wait and praise the hallway because that is the place not of dead ends, not of settling for what I can get, not for compromising beyond self recognition but of endless possibilities! And finally I have no fear of love becuase that truly is the thing that held me back and held my heart tied to Randy, fear of the unknown and love of the comfortable and known. I also no longer need to fear being alone either, its not a bad place to be after all, its much better than being with a person who makes you feel alone.

So go on and make your own dreams and plans today on this full moon energy that is so powerful and awesome. Tell the universe what you really want and desire and have the faith to believe it's coming and the freedom from fear when it shows up at your door and a whole new exeperice opens to you. And in the meantime..........praise the hallway!!!

With Love and in the Light,  Cassie


“My Heart Is Afraid that it will have to suffer," the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky."Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams.”

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist







Tuesday, January 1, 2013

1-1-13 Emerging



1-1-13  Emerging

So today is the first day of the brand new year and I am determined to get back on track with my writing. It really does help to remember the lessons I learn as I go when I record them and there are others too who have told me that what I write helps them too. As a matter of fact I sent out a last minute New Years Greeting to my groups last night before heading out and they loved it. It had to be divinely inspired because I didn't think too hard I just wrote. I will share it here for you because it really applies to any day, not just New Years:

I just wanted to take a moment to wish all of you a most blessed and joyous new year. I know that some of you have lost a lot this year, what with divorces, lost jobs, lost homes, some loss of friendships, lost possessions.  I have suffered all of these things at different points in my life and I tell you if there is anything I can promise you, that sometimes empty, broke and alone can turn out the be the best place you can be. It's true, because once things are taken away NEW things can be added, and I have found in my life once I let go of what isn't for my highest good that BETTER things come along.
So New Years is a very good time to take stock and see what is really good in your life, what brings you fulfillment and who brings you joy. KEEP those things and those people and hold them tight and show gratitude. It's also a time to look at what drains you, who isn't there for you, what causes you sadness and GET RID of those people and things. I promise you, I really promise you that you CAN walk alone for a little while and find real joy and strength in the time you take for yourself. Once you love yourself no one can ever take what really matters from you.

Happy New Year!   With Love and in the Light, Cassie   www.cassiescalendar.com



I got a lot of inspiration for that from the divorce chat nights, reading about all the pain they have and trying to come up with words of comfort in a time where little is going to bring comfort. I also lost a friend, or rather someone I thought was a friend on Christmas but I gained a whole big new group of people to help, it was a great trade for sure! I took my usual 10 days off from Christmas to New Years but since Jeremy was working nearly every day at Toys R US I decided to not make the trip to Ohio alone. Instead I told all my friends that I would have time to spend with them and I spent many days with one on one visits with several people, some who were a big surprise but some I think I just may end up working with this new year. There is much to be done, many need help and healing and encouragement and many want to help. There is still much cleaning up and re-building to do for Union Beach and other nearby towns too.

I have a feeling now, more than ever before that God is finally going to be bringing me my perfect mate. I finally finally got past the yearning for Randy to become the kind of man that I need and deserve, I haven't answered any of his texts since the hurricane incident and I don't drive over on his side of town anymore, not even on my way to and from work. The main reason for that is because the road is always flooded now down by the beach, but still it helps. One night I was coming home from work at the office thinking oh I hope I don't pass him and wouldn't you know it I never saw him but he saw me and texted. I ignored him. That showed me just how powerful my thoughts are these days! But I am at peace with this and I forgive the whole situation, I even saw a pic on Facebook of him on christmas with "his kids" and I was glad to see that this year they didn't leave him home alone. It's a good feeling to not have any hurt and anger left towards a person from your past.

So this year I just feel good things are coming! Emerging was the first  angel-card-of-the-day-2013 and I do believe it was a very fitting one at that! I am emerging from the pain the suffering the rough times....oh I have a lot to still get fixed but I am happy, that depression cloud just doesn't seem to hang over me any more, or that fear or that loneliness or that yearning. I only felt the need to make one resolution this year too, that is the diet and exercise one. I signed up for one of the online calorie counters and I stayed under my intake goal. This week I must get back to the gym..... Maybe its time I can finally free myself of this fat that I have been so attached to for protection and comfort....I don't need it anymore because no one can hurt me anymore. I do not need anyone's love or approval because I love myself just the way that I am and that is plenty!

How about you? Are you ready to emerge into the sunshine of a brand new day? a brand new era? This is the beginning of a very golden age.....step out from under that cloud, stop beating yourself up, just love love love! and find your sunshine!!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie