2-14-13 Daring to Love Again
So the Saturday after I left off my last blog, the day of the full moon I went out to buy my rose to do my spell work that night to attract my man and for good measure i stopped in to the town psychic, I wanted to check in to see what was going on around me in case I need to clear anything. She seemed to know all about Randy's girlfriend coming to see me she said that he sent her to be my friend knew he lost me. She said some how he subconsciously he sent her because he thought we could all know one another and be friends. (I did tell him that in the past). I did find it odd how she suspected all those years and chose now to come find me. She also said that he wont change she will wise up and leave him but she is glad that this happened because it is going to break my tie with him and bring my new man. She told me do not be her friend as it would only keep me tied in and it would bring no good. I realized that she was right.
That night my friend and I went to the New Age shop in Red Bank for their full moon ceremony. She picked me up early so we could get dinner at the diner first. Sitting there talking I told her that I thought this spell she made me was going to work and I confessed that I was a little afraid and then I made a declaration that surprised me but even as I said it I felt right about it.I told her I do not just want to meet "The One" right away and fall in love and live happily ever after. I want to date, to get asked out, to be taken to dinner and treated well my different men and I want to take my time and get to know them and to make the best choice from various ones. I know it seems hard to believe but at the age of 52 I haven't done much dating, some, but not nearly enough. Most of my relationships just grew out of "hook ups" that just kept recurring. Truth is, Love still scares me. Sex now that is something I can embrace totally with total unabashed enthusiasm. Sex is fun, sex feels good, and sex doesn't hurt (unless you are into that sort of thing) LOL But sex can only satisfy for so long, only love can last only love can heal, only love really matters...
But anyway the full moon ceremony was very good and the messages that the leader got for me were quite strong ones, my friend was envious. I don't recall all he said but the one thing that stuck with me was that he said I was really re-claiming my power. I was glad I knew I needed it and that night when I got home and lit my candle for and finished the spell my friend had gotten for me I felt strong. So strong in fact that when Randy's girlfriend announced the following day on facebook that they were engaged I sent him a text to congratulate him. I got no reply, nor to the one I sent the following week when she changed her name to his, and he ignored the e-mail too when I sent him the link to her page. She took down the whole page the following day and my little voice was telling me that someone was lying but I ignored it. It didn't matter it wasn't my life it wasn't my concern and it was better for me if I thought he had married her. Still it bothered my that he didn't reply to me at all, he had always prided himself on his follow-ups....so I called Mary...
Mary then texted him to congratulate him, he ignored her too, then she waited a few days and texted again...still he ignored her. Later that week she and I were having dinner and we got into a long talk and she told me that she thinks that I am not ready yet to be with someone, she says she sees me having a change in a few more years like around the age of 57 and then I will be ready. She also said that Jeremy is going to be with me awhile and she sees him also being ready to go off on his own at that time when he is 27. It sat well with my spirit and I felt that she was right.. I still want to have dates and boyfriends though now, and you shall she told me you shall. Driving home from dinner I got a call from a guy who saw my personal ad and he wanted to meet, it gave me hope and made me feel better about the future....
So I have been keeping myself very busy running heal your heart workshops and attract your soul mate work shops for my group Single and Looking in NJ. I am very happy to be doing that work now. I meet people I do events, I pass out my SpiritStones to those whom I feel need one and sometimes people ask me for them too. I still don't seem to have anyone who wants to buy one but that's OK like I said I did make a tad bit here and there with my workshops. Oh and someone wrote to me and asked if they could sponsor my blog on their website, I said sure here is the message they sent to me:
Hi,
New Wellness Living Personal Wellness and Green Living advocacy would like to sponsor your blog on our website. In the past year, we have gained over 100,000 participants- who use our free resources through YouTube and the New Wellness Living website.
New Wellness Living Channel ~ http://www.youtube.com/user/New Wellness Living Personal Wellness and Green Living advocacy would like to sponsor your blog on our website. In the past year, we have gained over 100,000 participants- who use our free resources through YouTube and the New Wellness Living website.
New Wellness Living Home ~ NewWellnessLiving.webs.com
If you are interested, your cause will be posted on our website at the "NWL Associations" page- including a banner with a clickable link. Also, we may be interested in opening an E-commerce store (in the near future) and offering online consignment.
Please contact me, if you are interested or have any questions, Farrah Grant
So hey maybe that is where I can someday sell my SpiritStones! I also made a new group called Bodacious Babes, tag line: because sexy isn't a size it's an attitude. I have long resisted any BBW sites because well to me that was giving in and I didnt want to give in to being fat. But you know what I am fat and I need to make peace with it before I can do anything else about it. I have big plans for this group and I want us to take pride in who we are and be loved the way we are. And I have been doing a lot of chat nights and a lot of encoruaging the people who are sad or angry or annoyed with Valentines's day happenings. I even scheduled and event and encouraged all to bring $1 store valentines to give out like we used to do back in school. I just want people to love love for the sake of love.
Yep all of this has kept me pretty darn busy and I have no time to be sad about my single hood, in fact I don't even have time for a partner right now. But I must confess, last night when I ran into the grocery store for milk and I saw all the flowers and the candy and the balloons and I knew I had no one to get any for me I started to tear up. I am sad that I am alone, and this year a little bit more than the last several because I don't even have Randy to sneak over and bring me a rose and a box of candy and some pokey like last year.... I won't deny that I mourn and I miss him, but I know I am better off to not have one who just kept breaking my heart the way he did. No now I can try and put the pieces back together right and see what I can do do with them and see if someone won't come along who will be more careful with the love I offer...
Today I want you to dare to Love in anyway that you can, dare to Love anyone that you can find to love. Dare to let it form in your heart and dare to send it out as far as it can reach. Do not fear it, do not measure it out in doses according to worthiness, and do not compare it. I will never regret loving Randy because after the heartache I suffered with my ex-husband it was courageous of me to have ever loved at all again, and knowing him has taught me that I really can love, for I have loved him and I am not going to let loss and pain shrink me I am going to let it expand me all the more...........
Dare to Love and see how far you can spread it too...............
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
