3-1-13 Barriers to Love

 

“Dare to be imperfect and one day there will tug at your sleeve a soulmate.”
~Robert Brault

So the Saturday night after the last blog post I had an event, movie and dinner in my town for my meetup groups. One of the gals who came was one who had been at my Attract Your Soulmate Workshop, I recalled how she had come out of the guided meditation with Reiki with a very strong experience. Anyway she told me that ever since that workshop everything in her life was changing, she was so happy but she was so afraid to talk about it that she might "jinx it". I asked her what was changing and she said one thing was that her mother who has been so sick for so long with anemia recently had blood tests showing that her platelets are improving remarkably. Then she said he ex-husband called and he has not spoken to her in 7 years! She said for a very long time she has wanted to move to Florida but he won't allow her to take the kids out of state. She said that he has now agreed to allow if she cuts back on the child support he must pay and she is very excited and will gladly agree to that in order to move. Again she said she wants this so bad but is afraid to tell anyone else or say it out loud. I asked her why and she told me that she is afraid if she says it out loud that will make it NOT happen. So I spent some time explaining to her how it works and that you DO want to profess in a positive way that which you want to happen.

Later in the week I had another game night event. I had skipped one and hadn't been back since that fateful night that Randy's girlfriend showed up. I even felt a little apprehensive that night hoping she would not show up to show off her marriage license or her wedding photos or something. She is the type who would do something like that. Anyway my guy friend who spent a great deal of time also talking to her asked me what had become of that whole situation and when I told him that two days later she announced her engagement and 5 days later she changed her name on facebook to his last name he rolled his eyes at that and went on to tell me every thing he "picked up" from his conversation with her. He told me he butted in to "save me". He said what he thinks happened is that she was content with me to be with him all this time because I took care of something that she didn't want to, basically intimacy, and the reason she never came around before was because it all worked out before but now that I washed my hands of him and he KNEW that I had, she had to listen to him go on and she had to put up with his advances.He said she came to get me on her sidem that she was a huge liar and a huge manipulator and she came to get me back into that triangle that left me with the short end of the deal. I knew he was right despite the fact that I also knew I still loved him and it still hurt that he chose THAT over me. But anyway....

I did what I always do when faced with sadness and disappointment, I put myself to work to create and grow something good. When I was married I had the most amazing flower beds in town, when I was a little girl I had the most elaborate forts, in high school my art, in college my poetry...you get the idea. This time I am throwing myself into growing my Bodacious Babes group and my other Singles group too. I am going to help everyone find a way to love themselves just the way they are, right now fat, flaws, forlorn faces and all! And I am starting with ME! Yep it really is time for me to love the skin that I am in, extra padding and all! I can't keep running away and hiding from love and its ups and its downs by turning to cake and cookies and brownies like my Grandma fed me when my Mom wasn't so nice to me. And I recognize also that is why men seem to be so childish and immature, they are turning away from love and intimate relationships and investing their time instead in toys and sports and hanging out with the boys, not because they don't really want real intimacy with women but because this is more safe to them.

And I had one of my first challenges on working on my confidence just as soon as I put that intention out there....I had to go to a Fashion Show. Now mind you most people would love a fancy fashion show with swag bags, open bar, lovely buffet dinner and all the nicely dressed people. Me I just kinda sit there in my black pants and hide my low shoes under the table, hoping to not drop any sauce on my shirt (which I did) and marvel how women can walk in 6 inch heels! The night seemed to drag on too and I kept checking my phone for a time to make a respectable exit. My new friend though who threw the fashion show, (and it was for charity after all) was so happy up there I was glad I had come to support her. I did though not get into all the made up, sprayed up, dolled up people ..not until halfway through the show and the designer from NFinite Form came on, a designer for the plus sized woman! I was enthralled, I was excited, I knew I had just found something to help myself and the Bodacious Babes! Like I said before time and again I love the person I am the values I stand for the work that I do both personally and professionally but I have never loved the body I live in. Its time for me to learn to change that and its time for me to help all the others too.... My fat is a barrier to hide from love but it barricade me even from my own love! No more behaving like a hurt little girl and running to the cookies......

So what are the barriers you put up against love? What do you hide in? What do you regress to? These things are not bad in moderation but they keep you from great things..........what can you lay down today in order to reach out for a greater love? a greater comfort? a more mature connection? Don't be afraid of it, put down your childish things and reach for something grander.....

With Love and in the Light,  Cassie

"We are here for one purpose and one purpose only: to forgive the world so completely that we absolutely fall in love with everyone and everything; anything less than that is incomplete forgiveness. What limits our love except some form of unforgiveness? Only by so completely removing every barrier to love will we come to know the fullness of the love we are." ~ Circle of Atonement Daily Lesson for 3.1.13.

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways.    1 Corinthians 13:11